A Trade
by Ilovenotyou
Summary: "How about this? You will trade me your mind, body, and soul, and I will keep your secret." And this being the secret you try so desperately to keep, how could you say no?


Hi, this is my new story, which will be updated a lot once i am out of school! yay! but for until a couple days are over this will be left alone. or I might wait until i finish my other stories, this summer i am going to be writing a lot, for here and myself so be prepared I will give you the the title of my newer new story: Rubber Bands/ The Rubber Band Game

Review!

Tell me what you think, your prediction , reaction, ideas, whatever!

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**Prologue**

Dear Beckett Oliver,

I am sorry, truly I am. I really did not mean for any of this to happen. I really hate that it happened and I hate that you will never see this letter because this is just a way to get it out. Lane told me I could write out my stress. This is true, this helps when is gets bad, but I do not think I can fully write out my guilt.

Beck I am guilty. I am plagued and covered in disgust and regret. What I have done was wrong, truly terrible. I do not know how I will ever be able to admit this to you, even through a letter, a letter that I will never let you see.

I never meant to cheat on you, but I do not know how I could never explain that to you. I really never wanted to, it never meant anything the whole time, and the whole time I was thinking of you. All these commonly used excuses are true, no matter how cliché the may be, and you know I am not cliché.

I do not know how to explain, my action cannot be justified. I feel dirty, I am dirty. I cheated; I cheated on the guy I think is the most perfect man in the world. I cheated on the boy who when things got rough I would go to and I would snuggle into his arms and lay in his chest, and magically everything was just okay with the world.

I cheated on the man who could keep me together with his arms wrapped tightly around me. He held me together every time we hugged. He knew I was broken and he held on to all the pieces of me when I could not, he held me when I slipped a part.

I cheated on the man who saw the best on me. He was the only one who could see the light at the end of the tunnel, or in my case the huge dark abyss. He was the only one who could manage to touch the Ice queen without getting a brutal frost bite in fact; he was the only one who seemed to radiate enough magic and light to melt some of my outer layers, to see the lost girl hidden in the ice. He was the only one who actually has seen that girl, he was the only who braved to kiss her as well.

I cheated on you. I was the only one who was dumb enough to ever come and try to destroy each other. Sure, I know, I have accused many girl of flirting with you, trying to steal you away from me for it, I am jealous. I get mad and we scream about it, you tell me I am being ridiculous, and it hurts that you say that because my heart and my brain say I am not, at once they are not at war at this one because I feel hurt, betrayed. We fight over girls that think your hair is cute and text you, sometime I get so caught up in the moment, I make idiotic moves and I break up with you. I would not even say idiotic, I would say irrational makes more sense. But now there is no one I can blame for there is no bimbo this time, besides me.

I am a slut, a dirty whore. I do not deserve a man like you, a guy who has always been faithful. When I sleep around, I have to sleep around, I have no choice, but that does not mean that I am not still a slut. I am still a bad person, for agreeing, for not saying no.

And the worst part is that if I could ever explain it to you, you would tell me that it is all okay, that it is not my fault. If I could ever explain why I really did it you would pull me into you chest and hold me. You would tell me all the sweetest words in the world and say all those nice things I let you say when we are alone, all the sappy words, when I do not deserve them. I deserve nothing more than you screaming at me. You should be getting mad, shouting at me and punching walls, punching me. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. When I first started, it felt like I was being punched in the stomach, soon I could not even feel my stomach; my whole entire body just went numb after that. I feel numb because of this whole thing, I feel numb.

I wish I could stop, I really wish I could but I need to this. I need this trade. I need it. This is all just a trade I give him my services for his. And maybe I could stop if stopping was not such a big sacrifice, that he was holding a big secret in for me. Maybe I could stop if he was not threatening the most important thing in my life at this time. Maybe I could stop it would not risk me and you, Beck & Jade.

Love,

Jade West

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I sighed, looking down at my pathetic letter. Whatever, I need to leave now anyways. I pick up the letter and look over it one more time. I fold it over neatly. I pull on a big jacket and walk down stairs then walk out the door.

I get into the car and turn on the ignition then roll down all the windows. I put on some sunglasses I have laying around and drive. I drive fast, thought I do not want to get there anytime soon, I just like the when my hair flies through the wind, I feel free, even though I have become a slave. I take the long root by this beautiful man-made pond. I park and get out of the car and look over it. I would be just the perfect time to take a swim, but I don't. I pull out Beck's letter and give it one small smile as I look at it. Furiously I crumple it up and ferociously throw it into the water.


End file.
